Are there commitmentphobic nomads here?

I think it’s not exclusive to digital nomads, although the lifestyle doesn’t make it much easier. Someone referred to it as the Peter Pan generation, the adults who will never grow up.

I’m very sympathetic. My latest job as an employee lasted nearly four years, and I was seeing a psychotherapist and taking anti-anxiety medication long before that. When I went freelance I was able to stop. There’s nothing wrong with that. Many people - including some of my family members - view it as a character flaw when someone can’t ‘commit’, but that’s unhealthy thinking in my view. Some of us flourish better when things are open-ended and we can change our personal landscape to fit our (possibly changing) needs. And I personally am very happy without the imposition of external constraints - I prefer to define what my life looks like myself, and my work is a very big part of what my life looks like. Oh, reading the earlier threads, I’ll identify myself as almost 50.

I’m so new here I actually joined DN to reply to this thread!

I was googling around to try and understand my lifestyle patterns. I’m 30, and since I was 14 I have moved cities/countries every few years. I also have never had a full-time job or a relationship over 2 years. I get to the 20ish month mark and I start hatching plans to get out.

I’m currently 22 months into my current job and 16 months into a relationship and for the past few months, I have been having an almighty internal battle to stop myself quitting my job and going traveling.

Thank you for raising this topic @harrivain and for everyone else’s thoughtful contributions!

For me, I don’t know think it’s a routine thing, I’m actually quite an obsessive person and have a few little rituals that I do every day that I enjoy (usually around coffee/food). But the thought of doing one job, having one partner or living in the same place for the rest of my life absolutely terrifies me.

When I was offered my permanent role nearly 2 years ago I nearly turned it down because all I saw was a giant ball and chain. The only thing that I think has kept me hanging in there so long is that I work with asylum seekers from all over the world so I’m constantly learning about other cultures and languages, and the work is difficult.

I do find it a challenge to look at this aspect of my personality in a positive light though, probably given that the rest of my family is very stable and tend to despair/judge when I start mentioning my desire to move/break up/resign. So I found it really helpful to read about how other people view this side of themselves, perhaps it is a strength after all!

Glad to know I’m not alone, thanks again y’all

Another > 35 yo here.

For me, it’s not so much about being a commitmentphobe as not liking the baggage that comes with being a full time employee. The last permanent job I had was over 10 years ago and it came with a lot of internal politics. I have no interest in playing those games.

@zanqu and @suuzin - here is the link to the FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/singledigitalnomads/

@ZanQu just wanted to say that I can totally relate to the cycling feelings of anxiety around this lifestyle. I have no idea how long I’ll continue with it. And yes, thanks to @harrivain for starting this topic. I couldn’t find the FB group mentioned in this thread either but there are a bunch for DNs in general if you search.

Thanks for raising this topic @harrivain. Before becoming a digital nomad I had an apartment and a car. I burned out on where I was living, so I gave it up. This, somewhat nomadic lifestyle, is appealing to me in many ways. I’m post 35 and the thought of signing a lease and buying a car are two things I have zero interest in at this point. I’m a risk-taker and curious to see how far I can take this. However, I do consider myself a commitment phobe and it’s part of my personality. Before becoming a nomad, I fantasized about living - somewhat free. Now that I have this amazing opportunity I’m running with it, but for me, it comes at a price. I cycle through anxious feelings (about the nomadic lifestyle) and nonchalance.

@harrivain Shouldn’t say this too loud, but I kinda think that Gen Y sometimes has a way of standing up and taking credit for what Gen X started… (However, I can’t take credit for starting a DN trend – I really wish I would have started doing this years ago instead of forcing myself to try to “commit.”)

Yeah yeah, but how about a “more right one?”

I’ve been accused of being “commitment-phobic,” but I don’t think I am. I actually don’t think it’s a younger generational thing either (I’m >35). And I believe I’ve got you all beat – longest FT job 2.5 years, same w/ relationship. Relationship-wise I just haven’t found the right one. Same with location, and believe me, I’ve LOOKED. Job-wise, I absolutely need variety and change of pace, and I want to control my schedule and projects, so I became a freelancer years ago, tried to go back FT once, and it didn’t work. To me, it’s more natural to make a commitment to a project with specific goals and boundaries than to a job or company where you don’t know what they are going to throw at you. For me, it’s even more about that than “routine.”

I’m pretty new here, but I’d like to add my 2 cents to this discussion… I know the feeling of restlessness. I’ve struggled with it. A year at any job and you start itching… I do not believe it’s commitment. I believe it’s routine.

As soon as it is not challenging, you wanna get out… Or I, at least, do.

Most likely you can commit, and you can do anything, you just don’t want meaningless routine-stuff getting in the way. If it’s challenging, if there are enough new things all around, you may actually want to “commit”. You commit to the places you wanna go back, you commit to the stuff you can’t live without (Be it a backpack, laptop, swiss army knife, compass or whatever)… You commit to friends and to ideals. To beliefs. To communities and a ton of other stuff.

Well, as I said, my 2 cents. But then again, maybe I’m the one who hates routine a lil’ bit too much.

^^ that BTW since nomad = single seems to be pretty common, some of us created a single nomads group on FB if anyone is interested in joining.

I’m absolutely in the same boat.

I’ve changed jobs almost every year my whole career — the longest I stayed at one was 3.5 years (just once), I’ve moved at least once a year my entire adult life, in the last year alone I’ve moved four times, and I’m on pace to make it six by year’s end, I buy plane tickets as late as I possibly can (a kickass travel agent makes sure I don’t overpay — can’t understate how valuable that resource is), I pay-as-you-go for anything that’ll let me and experience existential stress when I don’t (like my mobile phone — I opted for a two year contract for reasons that made sense at the time, have 1.5 years left, and now I’m gutted because I don’t think I’ll be in countries where that carrier offers service for a good portion of that time).

The Internet age has made it possible for people like us to thrive as long as we arrange our lives to accommodate our nature. Pieter said it eloquently earlier in this thread — the industrial age economy doesn’t like people moving around, it wants factory workers staying in one place, buying real estate and committing to GDP production for a lifetime. That model isn’t mandatory anymore, and we’re the evidence of the fact.

Now, in my personal life I have the same issues, and I’ll spare the forum my tales of love lost or given up due to the call of the open road, but suffice it to say that I’ve acknowledged that it’s an intrinsic part of who I am, so I chose, quite actively, to view it in a positive light.

Detractors may call people like us “phobic,” because they believe that commitment is something that should be sought out, pursued and cherished. And there’s nothing wrong with that worldview — it’s how humanity has operated since the development of agriculture. I know of people that were born, lived and died in a three-block radius and worked for the same company for 45 years. They were called “pillars of the community” because the old model cherishes that kind of single-minded persistence to a specific geography and vocation. That works for them, and that’s fine, but we no longer need to share that worldview, so I don’t.

I don’t consider myself “afraid” of commitment, I consider myself attracted to novelty. It’s a big world out there, and if we indeed get just one turn around the blue marble, I want to experience as much of it as I can before my days are through. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Definitely. The longest I’ve lived anywhere since I turned 18 is 4 years. The longest I’ve held a job with a single company is 4 years. The longest relationship I’ve had is 4 years. See a trend here? I get antsy and bored quickly. And, if I’m not enjoying something I generally prefer to just move on. It has both advantages and disadvantages…

Yes, and this article about sums it up for me:

There’s reasons people see it as bad. The world is composed of century old structures and traditions that don’t like change. And for good reason, most change used to be quite risky.

Nowadays, we have so much more opportunity (through the internet), that the reasons of existence for commitment in everything is decreasing. Because there’s less risk.

A century ago, if you didn’t start a family early, you didn’t have people that could care for you when you got Polio at 30. Now, times are pretty different. Less risk. More opportunity.

A few good examples: startups are trendy now, it’s “cool” to disrupt and change things and not do the same thing all your life, Tinder lets you go without committing to anything for well, as long as you like and job security is a thing of the past.

So we’re in a time where everything is really in constant change. And that’s great. That you feel like this is nothing more than very, very, normal.

I think it’s SUPER common with this generation (e.g. aged < 35 now).

Also I wouldn’t see it as a bad thing. As long as you don’t hurt other people with it and are clear with your intentions to people, it’s fine.

It increasingly seems the traditional social structures we have built around us (education, relationships, marriage etc.) are starting to transform. And previous generations had commitment phobia too but there was no way outside the rigid structures except becoming homeless or insane.

That changed with the internet. You don’t need a job. You’re not fixed to a place. The nomad movement is a big example of that.

You’re not alone in getting bored with stuff fast, it means you’re intelligent and need more unique sensations and input through experiences.

I have trouble buying a weekly train ticket because it’s too much commitment.

I think the question to ask is are you happy being a ‘commitmentphobe’ (that word is very negative)? If so, then no problem but if it’s stopping you from getting the things you want in life then it is an issue.