I'm Mark Manson, Author, Blogger and Entrepreneur. AMA

You should be feeling a distance between some of your old friends just in terms of communication and things to relate about, but you should not be feeling a distance between yourself and them and how you feel about each other, your support for each other, etc. If you feel the empathy and support dwindling, then that means you’re either doing something to alienate them (bragging about all the cool shit you’re doing can do that) or they just weren’t that good of friends to begin with.

The ironic thing about real friends that being nomadic taught me, is that your real friends don’t give a shit what you do. You can climb the great wall of China or be a broke drug addict and it’s all the same to them. And that’s how it should be. It’s the same for family. Since I became nomadic, my dad and step-mom have had a real hard time dealing with it because I’m not following the typical 9-5 track. But my mom’s support has been unconditional. I could go get a desk job tomorrow and my mom’s relationship with me wouldn’t change one iota. But my dad’s would change completely. That says a lot about the relationship.

As for the hookers, I would avoid them. I’ve seen the “sex drive” explanation a lot and ultimately I think they hurt more than they help. They make you lazy and cynical towards women and intimacy. They objectify your sex life. And they remove much of that motivation that you could be using to go out and meet a nice girl.

You said you had no problem with girlfriends back home. So what’s the problem on the road? It sounds to me like you’re either not trying or there’s some kind of mental block. But you can absolutely date girls in different countries, some very easily.

The only “blogs” I read are Andrew Sullivan (politics) and Grantland (sports). Occasionally I’ll check Tim Ferriss’s stuff or maybe a James Altucher article once in a blue moon.

For a blogger, people are often surprised that I don’t read blogs. I don’t know, I just find them dull and repetitive. For every good, unique, well-written piece of content, there are 10 that suck and are just trying to get attention. So yeah, I’m a blog snob I guess. Shoot me.

I read a lot of books. Some literary fiction, but mostly non-fiction. I buy tons of books. I buy way more than I read. I don’t even know where I find them. But anything related to psychology, sociology, economics and history and philosophy, has a good chance of being bought by me. Assuming it looks good. I hate self help books. I think they’re awful. I also think that 95% of the non-fiction out there is written horribly. So I see that as my mission in the world. To write good, clear, useful non-fiction and self help material that doesn’t suck.

AGREED!

Fortunately, we get along extremely well. But we’ve noticed that renting an apartment with extra space is key for us. It’s important for one of us to be able to leave the room or even go to the other side of a big room. It makes no logical sense, but it does affect us, just the sense that we have a lot of space to ourselves.

On top of that, I’ve been insistent on us taking 1-2 mini trips separately each year. So far those have been really helpful for our sanity. Getting out and socializing helps a lot too… and is strangely easy to forget to do when you’re with each other constantly.

I’d actually like to throw the question back to you, since you did this longer than I’ve done it. What did YOU learn? How would you have done it differently if you could?

It’s funny, the cultural fit question is becoming more difficult and more complicated the more I come to understand various cultures. A couple years ago I would have said South American culture – particularly Brazil or Colombia – in a heartbeat. But now I don’t know. There are a lot of values I don’t like. I also think that my values are changing. So I actually find myself more in line with some western European countries. But who knows, this is an always-evolving thing for me.

As for the Brazilian market, I’ve heard that marketing is much easier because there’s far less competition. Thing about Brazil is that they’re much more vain than we are. They care about dumb status things more than we do. I’ve seen some marketing in Brazilian niches that made me cringe based on how superficial it was – basically a person standing up and bragging about how great and rich they were for 30 minutes – and Brazilians go crazy for it and buy it.

In the US, we all believe we’re going to be the next millionaire. In Brazil, nobody believes they’re going to be a millionaire, so they’d rather just follow one. That’s kind of a cynical summary, but from what I’ve seen, it’s true.

Hey Brandon,

I don’t have any connections in Manaus, so can’t help you there.

To answer your question, I have absolutely no insecurity in regards to materialism. I live so well sometimes that I laugh about it, and I’m don’t even spend the majority of my income.

What I do get insecure about occasionally is that I’m not taken as seriously as other more conventional writers or journalists. Like just because I don’t have a masters degree or I didn’t write for some magazine, my opinion isn’t as valid. Hopefully I’ll be able to change that with my new book coming out next year. But yeah that bugs me sometimes. There have been a number of occasions where my site and articles have outperformed some very big names and big sites and I feel like I get no recognition for it. I’m seen as an anomaly or someone who’s living out his 15 minutes of popularity.

I don’t think it’s for everybody. And I always cringe a little bit when I see someone preaching it to people as if this is somehow a superior way to live. It’s a superior way for us. And that’s fine. It’s not for everyone.

Some people prefer to stay put. Some people just aren’t that curious about other cultures/countries. Some people enjoy some leisurely travel, but they like a well-organized life.

I know for me, I was on an ego-trip for a while that this was a “better” way to live and I kind of let myself feel superior because of it. But letting go of that has been very healthy for me. I remember talking to one of my best friends back in the US about how I was having trouble relating to a lot of non-nomadic people. But I could still relate really well with him and a few others and I had no idea why. He’s a musician. Brilliant dude. But he’s doesn’t travel. He said, “Because it’s not about what people do with their lives that matters, it’s whether they love what they’re doing or not.” I liked that and noticed it was true. The people I have kept in touch with are generally people who love what they’re doing with their lives.

Yes, I had 1k when I started. I also had a few info products online that either I owned or I promoted in a few different niches. They made me a few hundred dollars each month. I was also doing the dating coach thing back then, so I was netting a client or two each month for about $1,000 per client. That first Europe trip, I had lined up a few clients before I went, so I actually spent two months there but came home about break-even.

That was 2009, I started my business in late 2007. So that gives you an idea of how long it takes. It wasn’t until early 2010 that I started to get a stable passive income online and then not until early 2011 that that income was the equivalent of a full-time job in the US. My friend Dan Andrews has a concept called the “1000 Day Rule” which states that digital nomads usually need 1000 days to reach a level of income comparable to a full-time desk job in the US. And that was more or less my experience.

Hey Alex,

1. I think eventually, once you become better at staying afloat, you can back off and start focusing on impact over simply making money. Making money is the primary goal when you’re starting out, but once you’ve got enough to sustain yourself, then impact should slowly move to take its place. That’s what I did. It was a multi-year process for me.

Other thing I’ll note is that you need to be willing and able to shut off revenue streams at some point. It’s painful. But at some point you will need to make the decision to shut off a project or income stream in order to focus on things you care more about in the long-run. This decision is ALWAYS worth it in my experience, so don’t freak out too much.

2. This is the great paradox of this lifestyle, right? The more you move, the less efficient you end up being. It’s a pain in the ass to find new grocery stores, gyms, meet new friends, etc., every month or two. It’s so much easier to just get set up somewhere cheap and grind, grind, grind. This is a question of balance in my opinion. And I would say that if you feel as though you need to be stationary – even if it’s for a year or two – then do it. You can still gain a lot of amazing experience from being in one place. In fact, there are a lot of things you experience in a country that you cannot experience otherwise without having spent a year or more in it.

I’m actually finding myself in a situation lately where my business is going to require me to be back in the US more frequently. I’ll be slowing down quite a bit in the next few years.

3. Good content. Lame answer, I know, but it’s true. If you can change somebody’s life in 1000 words, they don’t care who you are or where you come from. They shut up and listen.

Honestly, the best thing I did was find a community of other entrepreneurs and digital nomads (similar to this one) and then networked my ass off with them so that I could have people I knew in random places I went.

I’ve found that local friendships rarely last with any significance unless you spend at least 6-12 months somewhere. Even then, unless you come back somewhat frequently, you’re likely to lose touch. That said, I have built up a few friendships in a couple of my favorite cities. So that combined with a couple trips home each year for the friends/family (I need this emotionally, I discovered, even though I don’t like the US much), combined with other digital nomads I’ve met, usually makes things bearable.

Some people get lonelier than others I’ve noticed. I have friends who go for years without ever feeling lonely or missing friends/family back home. That’s not me though. I’ve had to heavily prioritize relationships into my travel choices. If I could make just a few basic pieces of advice, they’d be:

1. Travel slower – longer periods of time in each place.
2. Pick more meaningful activities. Hostel bars and surf classes don’t usually result in long-lasting relationships. Volunteering, working with local entrepreneurs, and yes, romantic relationships, seem to generate better “stick rates” with people.
3. Visit home a couple times per year. If not for your sake, for your mother’s.

No single instance that I can think of. But I’m five years plus change deep into this and I’ve had enough interesting experiences in that time to last most people a lifetime. But the odd thing is is that looking back, none of it seems that important. I mean, in aggregate, it seems incredibly important, it makes me who I am. But single each experience out and it all seems kind of meaningless.

Whether motorbiking Vietnam or feeding homeless people in India or meeting holocaust survivors in Israel or dating a dancer in Russia – it’s all just kind of like, “oh yeah, cool.” Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like I was the person who did it. Like I’m going swimming with sharks here in Cape Town tomorrow and I’m just like “Oh, OK… gotta get up early.” It’s weird. I would say that I feel jaded, but it’s not negative or cynical at all. I think it’s just a proper prioritization of my life that few people have when they’re stationary – I’m looking forward to seeing my best friend when I get back for XMas more than I am for swimming with sharks. That’s kind of crazy, because I’ve been hanging with my best friend back home, drinking beers, talking about dumb shit, for like 15 years. But these days it’s what I look forward to. And that’s a good thing I think.

But to answer your question, still occasionally I get an itch to go do something if I read about it or see it on TV or something. But for the most part, I’m pretty content. There are still a few more countries I’d like to see, but I’m in no hurry anymore. I’ve discovered recently that countries are still there if you wait a few years to get to them… (usually).

Yes, it’s very different. Things felt far more remote back then. I was in Thailand in 2010 and 2011, and I knew like 2-3 digital nomads in the whole country. Now I go to Thailand and I know at least 20, with an expanded network of a couple hundred.

I think a few things are changing:

• Nomads are consciously choosing to congregate together in some of the higher quality-of-life cities. This is probably a good thing as I think a lot of us had to get the “somewhere new each month” bug out of our systems.
• The third world isn’t as cheap and easy as it once was. Back in 2010, Chiang Mai was about 2/3 the price that it is now. When I first went to Medellin in 2012, it was about 2/3 the price it is now. The third world is catching up fast.
• There’s just more of us. And this isn’t nearly as oddball of a lifestyle as it once was. 4-5 years ago, when I explained to people my lifestyle, they looked at me like I was nuts. These days people seem to kind of get it and understand it quicker.
• I think we’re going to start seeing more migration to Europe, Japan, Australia, etc. One of the reasons SE Asia was/is so popular is because of the quality of life you get for such a cheap price. But I think as more and more nomads get older and get more successful and pinching pennies becomes less of a concern, we’re going to see people appreciating the first world again.

I think most nomads are single because it’s harder for people in relationships to become nomadic in the first place. That and I think most of us are a little bit commitment-phobic at heart.

In the case of my girlfriend, she had always dreamed of traveling the world, but it wasn’t until she met me that she realized it was possible. I think for most people it’s just realizing what’s possible.

Being nomadic ABSOLUTELY changes the texture of the relationship. We’re still figuring everything out, as it’s only been about a year on the road for us (year together in Brazil before that), but we’re starting to notice that the relationship feels different when we’re bouncing around a lot from when it does when we settle in somewhere for 3-6 months.

In terms of promoting nomadic relationships, I think more people just need to become interested in them. Generally speaking, digital nomadism is very new and primarily populated with young 20-somethings and 30-somethings who are putting their own goals and careers before their relationship goals. At some point though, those relationship goals will take priority again. For me, it took about 3 years of traveling before a relationship was even on my radar as something I’d be seriously interested in.

The only example that I know of such relationship is the case of Vinicius Teles and Pat Figueira AKA Casal Partiu.
But I find their case so particular.
I’d like to know more about other cases as such.

This is a good question. I’ll try to be thorough but also not go on forever, because I could.

First, because everybody has a different idea of what speaking a language is or what “fluent” is. Let’s create a few levels to make all of this easier to explain:

Level 0 - You don’t know a damn thing. People might as well be speaking Klingon for all you know.

Level 1 (Basic) - Low-level stuff: hello, thank you, please, ask for directions, names of foods, etc. You can have slow, jerky, basic conversations as long as the topics are really simple and the person you’re talking to doesn’t mind having the conversation of a five-year-old.

Level 2 (Conversational) - You can have a solid conversation with locals one-on-one. You understand most of what’s said around you, or at least get the gist. You can make a few jokes, but you still find that your use of the language is slower than your mind. You get lost in big group conversations.

Level 3 (Conversationally Fluent) - You can have a pretty fluent conversation in 90+% of situations without too many mistakes. You can take part in group conversations without getting lost. You can make jokes. You can read anything that isn’t super technical or heavy literature.

Level 4 (Fluent) - You can speak without thinking. You dream in the language. You can read and talk about almost anything without hesitation. You still make mistakes occasionally, but they’re so few and far between that basically nobody notices anymore.

Going From Level 0 to Level 1

• This is basically just memorization and practice. Which means courses are good tools and you can use anything.
• Duolingo.com is my favorite for this. It’s a gamified way to learn basic vocabulary and practice. Pimsleur is another good one (audio recordings). Flashcards can work.
• I don’t recommend classes. They’re really inefficient uses of both time and money.
• With some regular study (an hour per day), you can reach Level 1 within a week or two.

Going from Level 1 to Level 2

• The courses really stop being useful here. Now you need to get practice speaking the language and constructing sentences on the fly.
• Best way to get through this level is with a personal tutor and one-on-one sessions. The sessions should focus primarily on grammar and conversation.
• All new vocabulary should come through conversation. Keep a dictionary on your phone and note down every new word you have to look up. Go back and study them before bed. Construct sentences with them.
• If you do this, you should see rapid progress. The more hours of conversation the better. The more intense the better. If you do 4-5 hours of tutoring per day, you can be a Level 2 speaker within a month.

Getting From Level 2 to Level 3

• This is where the immersion is necessary. To get to the next level – conversational fluency – you need to be surrounded by locals, partying with locals, going to dinner with locals, hanging out at weddings with locals, all in their own language.
• Tutoring can still help you through this. Duolingo and courses can still keep you fresh, in case you leave the country for a while, but nothing gets you through this level other than immersion, in my experience.
• The reason is because these are the conversations you can’t have any other way than with people you know and have met. This is where you talk about local politics, economics, how you felt about your ex-girlfriend’s little sister, and so on.
• In my experience, it takes multiple months (3-6) to move through this level, minimum. More if you’re not in the country.

Getting from Level 3 to Level 4

• I’ve never really solidly been Level 4 at any language and honestly I don’t see why most people would want to, unless you plan on living in a country really long-term or doing some serious study/business in that language.
• To get to this level, you ironically need to get back to studying. This is where you learn all of the obscure grammar that is rarely used, highly technical language, obscure historical references and slang.
• From what I’ve heard, it takes a couple more years to get to this level.

Here are a couple articles from my site about language learning:
22 Tips for Learning a Foreign Language
The Four Accelerators for Language and Life

And to answer your other questions. I chose Spanish because I had studied it some in college and I planned on spending a lot of time in Latin countries. I chose Portuguese because it was closely related to Spanish and I ended up living in Brazil for over a year. My girlfriend is also Brazilian, which helped.

I’ve also studied Russian and little bits of German and French.

I second this question. I’ve found language learning to be mainly very traditional and focused on passing tests or more directed at common phrases for visitors. What do you think are the best ways to become quickly conversationally fluent?